i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I love you. Go after that dick
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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