There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
