Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
