but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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