dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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