it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
