one two three fourrrrnication!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
tell me about the eggs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
