I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
