Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
