my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize