The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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