so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
