Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
