Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
