He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
