I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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