dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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