i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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