would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
