I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
