a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
