Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
