Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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