im drinking this country out of the recession.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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