Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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