Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
