she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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