OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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