I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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