if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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