I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i came on her dog
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
