Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize