Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
