1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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