All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
