just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
