remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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