How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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