It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
