Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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