Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
