its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
