is your mom at the bar?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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