Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
