There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You pole danced in your parka.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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