so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
