kristin has been a bad kristin
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
