please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
