"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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