Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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