First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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