I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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