three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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