hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
