Betty ford says i'm here all night
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
