If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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