3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
