obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
