Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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