she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
