just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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