Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
