you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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