you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
