I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ttyl tear gas
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
