omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
