why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize