he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
